Friday, July 18, 2008

Dear Channel 7

Channel 7, I know you've hated me for some time now. My first clue was on Today Tonight. You see, I am a 19 year old uni student with her p-plates. That's pretty much your number 1 target for every expose in the history of mankind. The only thing I could do to make me more of a target is to either work in retail or be a single mum on the dole. Whoops. I work in retail too, for a big corporation. My, I am the devil aren't I.

But my big gripe is not that I am often stereotyped worse than an Italian housewife on one of your many crap programs, but rather that you have once again screwed up the only two shows I watched on your entire station; the Stargate franchise of Stargate SG1 and Stargate Atlantis.

Lets start first with your worst crime, how you have screwed up SG1 for me. I watched every season up until around season 7 on channel 7, which you consistently screwed up, starting and stopping often in the middle of the seasons. Like not playing it for 3 weeks in a row and bringing it back later without warning. But the most painful thing was when you changed the time it was on to the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT with NO advertising. This meant, as of course you did this halfway through a series, I missed the entire series. In fact, I then missed season 8. Then season 9. But wait, I did accidentally watch the very last episode of SG1, the end of I think series 10 simply because I was bored and turned on the tv in the middle of the night. Screaming in anger all the way, not knowing the 2 out of 5 characters (my actual words were along the lines of "Hey! That's the chick from Farscape! Hang on, that's the guy from Farscape! Is the whole f****n cast of Farscape on Stargate now???? WTF???") and then being told at the very end that I had successfully spoiled the entire franchise for myself, I was ropable.

But I decided to keep an eye on that spot, to see what you would do and you did not disappoint me this time. Stargate Atlantis graced my screen. At first I had been sceptical of Atlantis, but soon found myself loving it more than SG1 with the simply awesome characters and fresh new look. Every week I would stay up well beyond bed time, sometimes til 1.30am on technically Friday morning, even with uni or work the next day. It became my highlight of the week. Until this week.....

I rush home from a night at work to watch Atlantis, buying dinner for myself so I wouldn't be stuck in the kitchen getting dinner while the show was on, only to discover there was no Atlantis. My night is ruined, and before you say, DRAMA QUEEN, I cannot afford the DVD's and this is a big part of my week. I stay up late, study before it starts then turn everything off to watch it. I have become addicted and have learnt how not to sleep so I can watch it. To discover it is gone and has been replaced with Marshall Law, which quite frankly is not really that good, is annoying in the least. And to think, you have Celebrity Spelling Bee on at prime time, something I avoid like the plague as it is beyond useless to everyone on this planet and does not even entertain the lowest common denominator. If I wanted to see idiots singing I'd go to the pub and watch drunken singing, which is far more entertaining than your show.

Now I know you don't care, but hey, thanks for making life easier for me. I'll now sleep and wait til Christmas, when I'll be payed more then buy the DVD's, and then eliminate my need for channel 7 entirely. But hey, if theres no reason to watch channel 7 now anyway, why watch it? Buy channel 7. Hope your advertisers like it when all the devoted sci-fi fans rack off.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

For Austin

Our darling Austin, the reason for Super Austin, recently gave us all quite a scare. Basically he ended up in an emergency vet with me on the phone to a very distressed Blondie. Many dogs die from bloat and he had it. Now he's okay, which means instead of worrying about him, the blonde one instead hassles me, and as she has my mobile number, here is her story. Have fun with this poorly written 10 second story for our Austin with characters only really known to friends.


Hospitals are horrid places, Bonnie thought. Full of antiseptic and death. It was however, one of the few rare times they all got together. Of late it seemed the only time they all saw each other was at a funeral and this left her feeling depressed. With any luck they would all be seeing the weakened hero who had been poisoned alive, poorly but alive, very soon rather than committing yet another to the earth. She looked around her to see the others waiting in the room. Austin had many friends and they had all wanted to come, but it had been stressed, his closest friends only were permitted to stay. This meant that she had had a handy excuse for getting rid of the terrible twins, exiling them into the corridor. Billy had remained, sitting quietly and sedately at her side, an odd occurrence for the pup. It was a stark reminder how this life was aging them all. The once exuberant youth had been impossible to tame, but now life had changed him into a mature young dog. The twins she had sent outside were young and uncontrollable just like he had been, and herself she remembered, but she knew that too soon they would be shown just how horrid the life was. Tammy had been a stark reminder of how quickly and surprisingly life can change. In fact, her funeral would have been the last time Bonnie had seen Austin.

Damn. How had they drifted apart? They used to be such friends. Not necessarily good friends, but Austin was one of the few dogs that truly got her outside of her family. She thought of the twins again. Hell, he was one of the only dogs that got her full stop. If he were to die….. No. Thoughts along that line were detrimental to everyone. Happy thoughts. He would get through this. He was Super Austin for cripes sake. Poisoned food was no where near enough to take him out. She forced herself to look at the rooms other occupant. Jessie. Someone she had never met before today yet had heard so much about. This new superdog was famous for her acrobatic abilities, and Austin had said she was a very reliable partner when they met up. But Bonnie had never met her. The distance, she mused. She had forced a distance between herself and the world ever since Amber when she thought about it. Billy had only just had some success bringing her back into life in the world, but Austin was truly gifted that way. When he asked, she found herself giving which for her was extremely odd.

The wait was killing them all. Jessie had started to shake, making her look nervous and Billy was chewing his tail. He paused then spoke aloud into the previously silent room, a joke for just Bonnie.
“Remember when Kat gave me that haircut recently? I was bald and patchy for a month til it grew out.”
She smiled and Jessie looked confused. It was a truly amusing memory. Once Kat had got hold of the scissors, she had hid behind the couch, leaving behind her protégé who had promptly suffered a most terrible fate. At least he kept most of his leg she mused. It was then the door opened and a teary Lauren emerged. They all jumped to their feet, eagerly awaiting any sort of news.
“He’s going to be weak for some time, but he’s going to be fine.”

Relief flooded the room as she went back in to be with her beloved pet. Bonnie sighed in relief, then turned to leave the room. Billy started to follow her as Jessie called out, “Where are you going? Don’t you want to see him?”

Bonnie smiled. “He knows I was here. I want to get who poisoned him, and end them.” And they disappeared into the night, taking the twins with them, to hunt down El Manuel and show him the real meaning of justice. Their way.